Mama screams, I’m in the backseat

Spittle and tears spraying everywhere

Everything will be ok, all will be fine

I’m only three, those words have never been mine

Mom let me go where they had other children

Adoption easier than sticking around

I cried at the window face smashed flat

Looking for my lost mama to be found

Nothing to see not even her sound

Only rain falling down Alaskan bound

The first place I landed seemed great at first

They fed me dinner, quenched my thirst

Then it was time, I went to bed 

Where new mom said to lay my head

The lights turned off, a shadowy teenager said

Get off of my bed, his face turning red

I protested that the lady had told me it was mine

He punched me hard in my face, blood all over the place

Pushed me off of ‘his’ bed to the floor down below

I rolled back under to escape

Coils squawking under his weight 

Like crows perched at the gate

Watched my breath blow 

The dust where I now bled

I no longer felt safe turning feral instead

Second place I got was rosy and secure

But I wasn’t there a few weeks before

A new place became my home

One where rape and beatings

Were quite simply the norm

Three and a half then, a feral fighting child

Learned to fight back crazy and wild

Yelling and screaming and becoming so strong

Learning to be tough but learning it wrong

Just before I was 4 I was sweeping a strangers floor

She fed us just fine, long as we did our chores

There were 2 other girls a tot and a teenager

Tot was my friend the other a different flavor

I ate quick, then headed to the toilet

Before the door closed, teen entered and locked it 

behind her

Asked to help as my pants dropped to the floor

She held me fine and I finished up 

Then she dropped me in the tub belly up

Grinding on me cold, flaccid and scared

Til the knocks at the door and pitched screams blared

She got a slap and sent to her room

Sesame Street belt whipped my flesh like a monsoon

I tried to run away but the stings prevailed

Ended in a corner while the witch screamed and wailed

Whimpered and cried until she dropped my belt

Went back to the bathroom ran water on surface welts

I made it to four my sister nearby

A beautiful home, could it be mine?

The lady sold me with a glinting eye

They would adopt your sister only? You back to the fry

How In the world didn’t I just cry?
I told the lady yes, she would be happy here

Dipped my young head low finally dropping that tear

Life wasn’t going to be easy it was crystal clear 

Sixteen homes total count, then finally

A family picked my sister and me

They had no idea the emotions at play

Had no idea how scarred I was that day

They signed their papers and we went away

All the darkness behind me

Yet shadows always play, That hurt never goes away

Today I am free and pain rarely stays

But a piece of me, I hold at bay

Is still feral to this day

                                       Freddy Beans

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